Sitting in my inbox is a link that, once clicked, will take me to the documents to sign an offer on a house. It’s been sitting there since last night, and I’ve opened it a few times, but I just can’t click the buttons to start signing. And it’s breaking my heart!

The house is a 1700+ square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 bath house. It also includes a separate 700 square foot, 1 bed, 1 bath cabin, as well as a barn. The property is down a long, tree-lined lane that bends around a curve. At the end of the driveway, it opens up to the three buildings sitting on 1.25 acres tucked back into the woods. There is only silence and serenity when we’re there. No traffic, no noise – nothing but the sound of wind in the trees and raindrops hitting the evergreen needles. It’s in a gated community on a remote island reachable by bridge. It’s the kind of place I’ve dreamed of living in my whole life. 

It’s as dreamy as it sounds, yet I can’t sign the offer for ONE reason. The internet is horrible. I work remotely, and I have for four years. The job that would pay for the mortgage is done completely online. I frequently have to do video calls, and I’m online for 9-12 hours a day for work, five days a week (and sometimes for hours on Sunday). Having a fast, reliable internet connection is just as important as having running water and electricity. And the internet at this wonderful, tranquil oasis is DSL that offers “up to” 40 mbps. DSL! DSL? It’s like it’s 2009 all over again. And the only other option, outside of cell-signal based providers like Nomad Internet, is satellite internet. And it’s not even Elon Musk’s Starlink but crappy Viasat or HughesNet, which get even less mbps than DSL and apparently are not worth the money. (There’s also zero cell signal with our carrier, T-Mobile, out there. Verizon apparently has signal there, but we would have to change providers before we moved.)

I ran an internet speed test at our house last night, and we’re at 400-600 mbps on average. We also use around 1600 GB a month of internet (we do a ton of streaming, including YouTube TV, which is our main television provider), and there are no plans out there for this remote location that can come close to providing what we need in terms of speed and usage. 

I decided to pray about it, and I’ve done a lot of praying and asking and inquiring since then. We all know that Hashem rarely answers clearly and decisively, so I’m not surprised that I haven’t gotten a solid answer, like a thunderous voice from above that says, “Rachel, you must buy this house!” Instead, the messages I’ve gotten have come from the lack of any resources that tell me we will be able to function successfully in this home when a critical piece of the infrastructure is weak or sub-par. (And to be honest, the answer from Hashem may have come in the form of the minor panic attack that woke me up at 4:30am.)

So, we are likely to not sign the offer on this incredible home. My vision of turning that little cabin into an Airbnb are fading, and my hopes for utter serenity on that property are slipping away. BUT we’re going to an open house today for another place that seems a lot more likely, although the competition will be much stiffer as it’s not nearly as remote. (The real estate market here is nothing less than bonkers.)

Our house is ready to list. It was photographed on Friday, and the listing can go live as soon as Wednesday. WE ARE READY. But the search continues, I guess. *dramatic sigh*